Just as the snake’s venom is found in the back of its head, that is exactly where you will find the venom that poisons you. It’s just not called venom. It’s called negative thoughts and beliefs. And just as a snake’s venom renders its victim paralyzed, so does your negative thoughts and beliefs.  However in this case, the victim is you.  Maybe you’ve heard the saying…’We have met the enemy and the enemy is us’.

Now a snake doesn’t just go around biting and poisoning things just for the fun of it.  Either one of two things happen…..the snake is either hungry or senses danger.  Humans on the other hand, ‘spit’ venom simply for sport.  When I say ‘spit’, I’m referring to what we say.  What we say to ourselves and to everyone we meet.  We tell ourselves a story (negative thoughts and beliefs), store it in the back of our heads (venom) and then ‘spew’ it all over the place.  And then we sit and wonder why our world is the way it is.  We don’t even realize that we are poisoning ourselves.  We are detrimental to our own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health. 

We poison ourselves which in turn renders us paralyzed.  We say we want more, bigger and better; however, we allow venom to gather in the back of our heads.  The venom tells us that we can’t, we shouldn’t, and we are not worthy.  We allow this venom to keep us living a life of complacency.  We stand on the brink of living our dreams yet the venom in the back of our heads keeps us from moving forward.

Just as the ‘milking of a snake’ is an ongoing process, so is the milking of your thoughts and beliefs.  It will take practice upon practice upon practice.  And just as the person milking the snake gets bitten, you’ll be bitten as well.  The key is to collect as much anti-venom as possible and have it ready and available.  Oh yes, there is an anti-venom for those thoughts and beliefs that poison your life.  And guess where it’s located?  Yep, you guessed it….In Your Head.  So see, you hold the venom AND the anti-venom in the same place.  You just have to decide which one to use.

I’ve mentioned one of my mentors, Byron Katie in another post (Are Your Thoughts Causing You Pain).  She has developed an anti-venom called The Work.  The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the thoughts that causes you to suffer. It’s a way to understand what’s hurting you, and to address the cause of your problems with clarity.  The Work encourages you to question everything.  Question every thought, every belief.  Question until you receive an answer that resonates with you.

Peace, light, love and many, many blessings…..

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/09/02  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved

“Cry baby, cry baby suck yo mama titty”

If you grew up in the south, you either heard those words as a kid or you used them to taunt another kid.  Nobody, I mean nobody wanted to be called a Titty Baby.  But just in case you didn’t grow up in the south and you have no idea what a Titty Baby is, let me explain.  A Titty Baby is an adult who continues to get rent money, grocery money, cell phone money, etc from parents, friends, co-workers, any source other than their own. This person makes poor decisions with money because they know they have other people to bail them out.  Titty Babies complain about everybody and everything.  They blame others for whatever is going on (or not going on) in their lives.  Parents who have a titty baby will likely never be able to retire as they will continue to support said titty baby well into their retirement years. By the time the parents die, there is no milk left and therefore no inheritance for the other children.

We all  know someone who complains about everything.   Titty Babies tend to think that it is their job to point out all the problems with the world, while it’s your job to fix them. Most Titty Babies appear helpless and do not understand even the first step in the problem solving process. The trick in dealing with a Titty Baby  is to get them to think as problem solvers without allowing them to draw you into their constant complaining.  In other words, allow them the opportunity to solve their own damn problems without offering them your titty.  Cause believe you me, if you offer them the titty, they’ll suck you dry AND leave teeth marks.

Here are a few tips to assist you in the weaning process:

1. Never try to solve their problems. Any solution that you propose will only be met with more complaints and the thousand reasons why nothing ever works.

2. Never verbally agree with them. Even if you do agree with them, never admit your agreement. They usually take agreements as an invitation to complain some more.

3. Whenever they grumble, ask them open-ended questions designed to get them thinking about the problem and the problem solving process. Open-ended questions include any question that cannot be answered with a yes or no. The best open-ended questions usually begin with who, what, why, where, or how. These are questions like, “So what do you want to do about it?” “So what do you think caused it?’ “So why haven’t you spoken to the people involved?”

4. Most importantly, resist all of your natural impulses to offer them suggestions. Every suggestion you make will only be met with more reasons why suggestions never work. Instead, respond to everything they say with a question. Put the responsibility for changing their situations squarely in their laps.

5. If you want to end the conversation, but they keep talking, try setting a time limit. Tell them something like, “I need to go in a few seconds, so what exactly do you need to tell me before I go.” Usually after this, you can gently disengage the conversation.

I’ll leave you with a bottom line for handling Titty Babies. 

Light, love and blessings,

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/08/27  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved

Audio Clip – Act Like You Know The Truth.

As I am coming out of my ‘dark night of the soul‘, I begin to read again.  I close my eyes and see the book I should pick up.  As I open my eyes, I am led to the bookcase and my hands reach out and touch Tapping the Power Within by Iyanla Vanzant.  I just LOVE Ms. Vanzant!!!!!!  I love her openness, her smile, and her vitality.  As a Life Coach, I incorporate much of her teaching into my practice.  Once I begin to re-read Tapping the Power Within, I realized why my soul chose this book.  Inside the book is a CD entitled, Act Like You Know The Truth.  This CD could not have come at a better time in my life.  For the past few months, I was in denial and pretended to be confused about what was happening inside, outside and all around me.  This CD reminded me that all the answers or truths that I could ever need to know lies within.  It reminded me to Act Like  I Know My Truth.

Lady Vanzant shares 7 steps to Acting Like You Know The Truth.  If you’ll take this journey with me, I would like to share my thoughts about these 7 steps.

1.  Never Underestimate Your Own Need, Ability, or Power to Create Change in Your Life – There comes a time when change is not only necessary it’s inevitable.  Nothing you can do or not do will stop change from occurring.  The conditions of your life are always speaking to you….LISTEN.  You know before anyone else that something is yearning for change.  And I’ve learned the hard way that when it hurts bad enough, you’ll make a change.  FACE the need in your life whether it’s your finances, your job, your relationships, your health (or lack thereof on all accounts).  Then get a vision for yourself on how you would like those areas to be, create the discipline within yourself, then watch the change from the inside to the outside.  You have the power within to make the change (transformation) as seamless and fluid as possible.  You only have to Act Like You Know The Truth.

2.  Mind Your Own Business First -  I suggest re-reading a post I wrote entitled My Business, Your Business and God’s Business.  This post was inspired by another ‘teacher’ of mine whose name is Byron Katie.  She is best known for her teaching of The Work.  It is a list of questions that will send you on a journey of self-discovery and release you from much of your self-inflicted suffering.   Ok, back to minding my own business….  As a ‘spiritual entrepreneur’, I have this ‘need’ to help people.  I see them ‘hurting’ and my first thought is, I Should Help Them.  Then I find myself all off in their business.  And when I turn around, I find that MY business is a mess.  I’ve neglected MY business for THEIR business and this does no one any good.  Does this sound like anyone you know?  Although, I can’t seem to pass up the crying baby, I am learning the skillful art of Acting Like I Know The Truth.  It’s their business, not mine.

3.  Seek Harmony – Most people seek balance in their life.  However, I have found that in balance nothing happens.  Imagine you’re back in high school or college in science lab in front of an equal arm scale.  You place an item on one arm of the scale.  What happens?  Yep, the other arm moves up.  As you place an item on the other arm, the scales begin to play a balancing act.  Once balance what happens?  You guess it, NOTHING.  The two arms just sit….BALANCED.  So instead of seeking balance, I’ve decided to seek harmony.  Harmony means you make a conscious choice and you communicate that choice to the people you love and care about.  Harmony means you create a life where everything you think, say or do supports every other part of your life.  Harmony is where your physical reality meets your spiritual reality.  Harmony is Acting Like You Know The Truth.

4.  Replace External Referencing With Inner Harmony (Authority) – External referencing is rampant today.  We compare ourselves to the people in the magazines, in the videos, in the movies and even on the billboards as we travel.  We become so caught up with what others think about us until we lose our inner harmony.  We give up our inner authority for external referencing.  At anytime that you make believe that you are somebody other than the truth of who you are, you are acting under a stolen identity.  You were created in the very likeness and image of God; therefore, you are perfect.  You better Act Like You Know The Truth and embrace the irreplaceable you.

5.  Stop Being Bad or Wrong – I repeat, you were created…better yet, you ARE the very likeness and image of God, you can’t be bad or wrong.  And if you don’t like the word God, you can interchange it with Universe, Life Source, Light….whatever makes you comfortable.   Although we are not bad, we can engage in bad behaviors.  And although we are not wrong, we can be in the process of learning and unfolding.  At our essence, our core, we are pure, we are innocent, we are powerful, we are love.  So Act Like You Know The Truth.

6.  Take Your Rightful Place – Take your rightful place in your life, in your world, in your universe as opposed to living from your defects and dysfunctions.  If you are in your own life disowning, denouncing, demeaning and dis-empowering yourself, you are sending an open invitation to every corner of the Universe for people, experiences, circumstances and situations to come in and join you in your self-mutilation.  It takes courage to stand in your rightful place.  There may be times when you have to let go.  Let go of people, places and things to take your rightful place.  So Act Like You Know The Truth.

7.  Go for the Joy – Some of us are conditioned to struggle.  It just doesn’t seem right if we don’t have to fight for it.  Remember just cause you can take a punch doesn’t mean you have to go around looking for a fight.  I agree with Ms. Vanzant when she suggests to bypass happiness and go straight for the joy.  Cause happiness can be influenced by the outside world.  Someone can do or not do something and that makes you happy.  And should they decide to do the opposite, then the opposite of happiness occurs.  Joy on the other hand is an internal state of being.  Joy is not determined or undermined by outside influences.  Joy just is…  Joy is Acting Like You Know The Truth.

Here’s to your rave performance of Acting Like You Know The Truth.

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/07/20  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved

When I first heard my uncle refer to a woman as an Anger Bat, I had to ask him to repeat what he said.  I thought I heard the words, but I had to be sure.  When he repeated himself, he also offered an explanation.  Here goes:

Anger Bat (noun) – Woman who is unhappy with herself and everything and everyone around her.  She lashes out at everything in her path.  No one is safe from her wrath.  She will curse, scream, kick and bite without warning.

Does that sound like anyone you know?  Does that sound like you?  Pain, anger and resentment reside so deeply within Anger Bats that their insides are rotting.  No wonder they are diagnosed with “The Sugar” (diabetes), cancer, high blood pressure, chronic heart failure, fibroid tumors, ovarian cysts.  All the hate, rage and pain has not only caused the dis-ease within her body, it has also created an Anger Bat.

If you say there are no good men and you have sons, you say to your sons…YOU ARE NO GOOD.  If you say there are no good men and you have daughters, you say to your daughters…YOU ARE NO GOOD. 

The first relationship a man has is with his mother. He comes from her womb. 

You may say that you have every right to be angry.  And you know what?  You would be correct.  You do have every right to your anger; however, is that right to anger working for or against you?  I would be so bold as to say it’s working against you.  Not only is it working against you, it’s working against your partner and your children.  And keep in mind, you also have every right to happiness, peace, joy and love.

Light, Love and Liciousness,

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/04/25  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved

Let It Go – audio clip

There is no greater time to bathe yourself in your womanhood than now.  There is something within that can hardly be contained.  There is a tigress just waiting to pounce.  There’s a lioness just waiting to roar.  There may even be a “cougar” patiently waiting on her younger prey….lol

We are royalty. We are Queens of Kings.  Join me and……

TAKE ANOTHER LOOK BABY!!!!!

Susan Boyle exemplifies this best.

Susan Boyle Britains Got Talent 2009
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You may be asking, ‘Exactly what is Soul Cleansing?”.  Soul Cleansing is a way in which we can rid ourselves from negative thoughts, emotions and actions.  Soul Cleansing is a way for us to move from the dark into the light, from a state of anxiety into a state of peacefulness.  Just as we cleanse our bodies of toxins, we can cleanse our Spirits of poisonous thoughts.

Spiritual Cleansing may have 3 phases.  The first phase is one of ANALYSIS.  It involves becoming still.  And when I say still, I don’t mean just your body.  I mean your mind as well.  Be with yourself.  Take inventory of the things you would like to improve whether it’s your finances, your relationships, your job, or your business.  Be still and become clear about the kind of life you want to experience.

The second phase is one of RECOGNITION.  That is recognizing what areas of your life need cleansing.  What ‘old, unused, unnecessary’ item(s) are you holding on to that are keeping you weighed down?  When it’s time to make the transition, what keeps you from moving.  Are you one of those people who can not pass the department store without buying something?  Are you one of those co-dependent people who holds on to a relationship long after the relationship has let go of you?  Are you one of those people who family and friends KNOW they can tell you their sob story and you will invest in it?  If so, you BETTA RECOGNIZE!!!  Don’t act like you don’t see it when it’s glaring and showing teeth.

The final phase is one of ACTION.  This is the hardest phase of all.  It’s also the most crucial.  Mainly because it doesn’t matter how still you become or how much you recognize the areas that need to be cleansed.  If you don’t ACT, nothing changes.  Everything remains the same.  For example, if you go through your house and pack up all the things you say you don’t want or need and then just move them to another area of your house, what have you accomplished?  All you did was move your junk from one room to the other.  In order for you to make room for bigger and better you have to ACTually get rid of the old.  Same with Spiritual Cleansing.  You have to be willing to get rid of what you realize no longer works for you.  Until then you will continue to feel the weight of an un-lived life.

Happy Soul Cleansing,

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/03/04  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved

The way you view your body is a direct reflection of your self- esteem or the lack thereof.  Not to mention that what you see in yourself is what you project to the world.  Low self-esteem causes you to see yourself as ‘Damaged Goods’.  I call this the Damaged Goods Syndrome.  When you fail to see your beauty, you begin to believe that you are unpretty, undesirable, good for nothing….DAMAGED.

I know the effects of this illness firsthand.  I suffered from Damaged Goods Syndrome.  When my marriage failed and I was left with 3 young children, I saw myself as Damaged Goods.  I wondered what man was going to take the risk of loving me AND my children.  At the time, I did not realize that my negative thoughts were causing me to attract partners that played right into my illness.  Once I begin to see myself for who I am, they were no longer attracted to me AND I was no longer attracted to them.  See how that works?

Damaged Goods Syndrome is a serious illness and it will take some serious therapy to cure.  You will have to be dedicated to your own healing because no one can do this for you.  You will most certainly have to self-medicate and self-meditate.  Here’s a list of things you can do:

1.  Speak only to your strengths.  Be mindful that your thoughts about you are positive.

2.  Surround yourself with positive people.

3.  Celebrate your successes

4.  Do more of what you love.

5.  Be true to yourself.

6.  Give back and I don’t mean money.  Become involved in community projects.  Seek to help others.

7.  Speak your affirmations aloud.  Be sure to use the words… I AM.  For example, I AM BEAUTIFUL!

8.  Pamper yourself.

9.  Graciously acknowledge compliments.

10.   Invest in yourself.  Read, listen and watch material that is conducive to improving your self esteem.

To your healing,

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/02/19  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved

Manifesto

My Black is Beautiful

From the color of my skin, to the texture of my hair, to the length of my strands, to the breadth of my smile,

To the stride of my gait, to the span of my arms, to the depth of my bosom, to the curve of my hips, to the glow of my skin,
My Black is Beautiful.

It cannot be denied. It will not be contained. And only I will define it.

For when I look in my mirror, my very soul cries out,
My Black is Beautiful.

And so today, I speak it out loud, unabashedly, I declare it anew,
My Black is Beautiful.

Whether celebrated, imitated, exploited or denigrated. Whether natural from inside or skillfully applied,
My Black is Beautiful.

To my daughters, my sisters, my nieces, my cousins, my colleagues and my friends,
I speak for us all when I say again,
My Black is Beautiful.

You Are Beautiful,

J-licious

Step 1) “STOP BEING OFFENDED” Believe it or not, everything is NOT about you.  Stop taking things so personally.  I have been guilty of this for years and I’m still working on releasing this part of myself.  I used to think that every ‘bad’ thing happened because of me.  I thought that my partner cheated because I was not good enough.  I thought potential clients chose another company because I was unable to provide the level of service they needed.  I am now beginning to understand that those were THEIR personal preferences.  Their choices did not have anything to do with me.  Their choices had EVERYTHING to do with them.

Step 2) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO WIN” Now this one can be a bit tricky because winning is a sure way to get an immediate ego boost. But Dyer points out that you can’t win all the time.  If losing devastates you, it’s because you’re getting your IDENTITY mixed up with winning and losing. The only thing that’s been lost is how you think about yourself. In other words, the loss has occurred to the ego, not to who you truly are.

Step 3) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO BE RIGHT” Why is being right so important to you? Because again, it strengthens your ego.  But what happens when you’re right and your son or daughter is wrong? Or your husband or wife is wrong? Are you able to let go of being right then? Or do you have to prove you’re right, even if it means proving that someone you love is wrong at all costs?

“I’ve seen people end otherwise beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right. I urge you to let go of this ego-driven need to be right by stopping yourself in the middle of an argument and asking yourself, Do I want to be right or be happy?” says Dyer.

Step 4) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO BE SUPERIOR” By being in competition with yourself, working to improve your way of being in the world, your focus shifts from lecturing and judging others, to improving yourself.  Just be careful not to judge yourself because this defeats the purpose.  Remember you are a spiritual being having a human experience just like your neighbors.

Dyer points out that “We are all equal in the eyes of God.” So if God sees us as equal, then how can we be superior (or inferior) to another person?

Step 5) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO HAVE MORE” Being grateful can be difficult if you are never satisfied with what you have already been blessed with.   The perpetual chase of ‘that paper’ will leave you feeling shallow, unrewarding, and meaningless.  Also, be willing to let go of what is no longer necessary.  Having more clothes, for example, doesn’t make us better people. It doesn’t even make our lives easier. Having a lot of clothes that are too small, too big, outdated, or stained simply gets in the way. But the ego feels deflated when it looks in the closet and sees empty spaces.  Remember you are NOT your possessions.

“The mantra of the ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, your ego will insist that it isn’t enough,” says Dyer.

Step 6) “LET GO OF IDENTIFYING YOURSELF ON THE BASIS OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS” In the eastern part of our world, people are taught to give praise and honor to God for allowing all good things.  They do not take it upon themselves to gloat about their achievements.  In my opinion, they have a better understanding about how life works.  Dyer urges us to let go of identifying with our achievements because alone, we don’t achieve anything. “God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements,” he stresses.

Step 7) “LET GO OF YOUR REPUTATION” I would like to think that most people consider me kind, gentle, understanding and willing to offer my assistance where needed.  I would like to think that most people like me.  But the truth is, there is someone out there that is not so fond of me.  For years this plagued me.  I desperately wanted to be liked.  Actually, I desperately wanted to be loved and accepted.  So I would do things that were not in alignment with who I am.  No longer does this desire control me.  I have learned that you can’t please everyone.  Someone is going to be unhappy with me and you know what?  I’m perfectly fine with people’s dislike of who they think I am.

According to Dyer, what people think about you is beyond your control, so your shouldn’t waste time obsessing about it. “Your reputation is not located in you,” he says. “It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations.”

I implore you to consider each step and begin to step out of your ego and into your greatness.

In love,

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/01/14  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved