My oldest son is a mover and a shaker. He has BIG ideas and is on the fast-track to making his dreams reality. I am happy and excited with him. I can see his visions coming together. He’s participating in a network marketing business, pursuing his degree in video and film production, working full time at a local bank and has recently been presented the opportunity to work as an assistant for an accomplished business man. I watch him rise early in the morning and come in early the next morning. And not once have I heard him complain.
My oldest son is 20 years old. I tell you his age because most people think that young men his age are ‘up to no good’ and that’s simply not true. All of our children are not street hustlers. There are still some very responsible, goal-oriented, driven, and respectful young men out there. I know because I gave birth and raised 3 of them. Now this is not to say that my children are perfect or better than someone else’s. They have made decisions that I was not too happy about. I am simply stating what is true for me and my household.
Some women would like to blame the absent father for their child’s behavior. But I say, children are the product of what they SEE. Our history as black women is filled with the absent father. However, our great-grandmothers, grandmothers and mothers were able to raise respectful, hardworking, loving men. Somewhere along the line, we have dropped the ball.
I hear so many of my clients say, “I’m raising these boys/girls by myself”. I remind them that they are NOT raising boys and girls. They are raising men and women. If you continue to look at them as boys and girls that’s exactly what you get even when they are 25-30 years old…..little boys and girls. Whether one parent or both parents are in the home, we have to hold our children to higher standards. In order to do this, we must first hold OURSELVES to higher standards. Again, children are a product of what they SEE.
And believe THIS….you are NOT raising them alone. You have help. The schools are raising them, the neighborhood is raising them, their friends are raising them, the streets are raising them. Everything and everyone they come in contact with plays a part of their upbringing. Sometimes my children would become so angry with me because I would not allow they to ‘play’ with certain children. I did not allow them to spend the night with their friends. It was mandatory that I meet the other child’s parent(s). Not because I was trying to control my children, but because I understood that children are products of what they SEE.
Have I been the ‘perfect’ parent? Have I made the best decisions? Hell NO!!! I have made plenty of mistakes. As they were growing up, so was I. There were times when I wasn’t sure if I was the parent or the child. My children would sometimes SEE things so clear and I would be in a state of confusion. I learned to listen to my children. I learned to accept and love them just as they are. Hell, they loved me in all of my human-ness, I felt it only fair to return the love. Not to mention they were so darn handsome that it would have been quite difficult to not love them.
Light, Love and Blessings,
J-licious
© Copyright 2010/03/27 Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved
Recent Comments