The majority of you reading this post will most likely know what pigs are.  However, for those of you who were not brought up in the country and/or could not even imagine what that would have been like, let me define ’slop’.  Slop is waste food used to feed pigs or other animals; swill.  It’s worst than the scraps on your table.  It’s more like the scraps from your table, the neighbors table, and his neighbors table all put together.  Slop may not sound appetizing to you, but pigs LOVE it.   Now to the point of the post.

I’m sure you’ve heard/read the biblical saying, ‘don’t cast your pearls before swines’.  In other words, don’t waste what you consider valuable (pearl) on something that will not appreciate it (swine/pig).   You wouldn’t prepare a gourmet meal to feed to a pig would you?  Nor would you purchase an evening gown from Christian Dior to dress a pig.  Of course not.  That would be silly and foolish.  A pig would not know the difference between the gourmet meal and slop.  And the Christian Dior gown would be plain uncomfortable to the pig.  The pig would most like prefer the slop and the mud.  Know why?  Because a pig eats slop and waddles in the mud.  That’s just what it does.  And there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

Oftentimes we want people to be different than they are.  We would prefer they talk another way, walk another way, think another way, even experience THEIR life another way.  Any other way than they currently do.  Because they are ‘different’, we want to ‘fix’ them.  The problem with that is they are not broken; therefore, they don’t need fixing.  I have found that people want to be accepted for who they are.  They desire love….unconditionally.  They want to be heard, seen and validated for who they are…a spiritual being having a human experience.  You only cause yourself pain and distress when you want a person to be different than they are.  You create separation when you do not accept a person as they are.  Nourish everyone you meet with love and kindness.  Then step back and watch them grow.   Allow them their pleasures.  And should you come across a pig in your travels…Let Pigs Eat Slop.

In love,

J-licious

You may be asking, ‘Exactly what is Soul Cleansing?”.  Soul Cleansing is a way in which we can rid ourselves from negative thoughts, emotions and actions.  Soul Cleansing is a way for us to move from the dark into the light, from a state of anxiety into a state of peacefulness.  Just as we cleanse our bodies of toxins, we can cleanse our Spirits of poisonous thoughts.

Spiritual Cleansing may have 3 phases.  The first phase is one of ANALYSIS.  It involves becoming still.  And when I say still, I don’t mean just your body.  I mean your mind as well.  Be with yourself.  Take inventory of the things you would like to improve whether it’s your finances, your relationships, your job, or your business.  Be still and become clear about the kind of life you want to experience.

The second phase is one of RECOGNITION.  That is recognizing what areas of your life need cleansing.  What ‘old, unused, unnecessary’ item(s) are you holding on to that are keeping you weighed down?  When it’s time to make the transition, what keeps you from moving.  Are you one of those people who can not pass the department store without buying something?  Are you one of those co-dependent people who holds on to a relationship long after the relationship has let go of you?  Are you one of those people who family and friends KNOW they can tell you their sob story and you will invest in it?  If so, you BETTA RECOGNIZE!!!  Don’t act like you don’t see it when it’s glaring and showing teeth.

The final phase is one of ACTION.  This is the hardest phase of all.  It’s also the most crucial.  Mainly because it doesn’t matter how still you become or how much you recognize the areas that need to be cleansed.  If you don’t ACT, nothing changes.  Everything remains the same.  For example, if you go through your house and pack up all the things you say you don’t want or need and then just move them to another area of your house, what have you accomplished?  All you did was move your junk from one room to the other.  In order for you to make room for bigger and better you have to ACTually get rid of the old.  Same with Spiritual Cleansing.  You have to be willing to get rid of what you realize no longer works for you.  Until then you will continue to feel the weight of an un-lived life.

Happy Soul Cleansing,

J-licious

The way you view your body is a direct reflection of your self- esteem or the lack thereof.  Not to mention that what you see in yourself is what you project to the world.  Low self-esteem causes you to see yourself as ‘Damaged Goods’.  I call this the Damaged Goods Syndrome.  When you fail to see your beauty, you begin to believe that you are unpretty, undesirable, good for nothing….DAMAGED.

I know the effects of this illness firsthand.  I suffered from Damaged Goods Syndrome.  When my marriage failed and I was left with 3 young children, I saw myself as Damaged Goods.  I wondered what man was going to take the risk of loving me AND my children.  At the time, I did not realize that my negative thoughts were causing me to attract partners that played right into my illness.  Once I begin to see myself for who I am, they were no longer attracted to me AND I was no longer attracted to them.  See how that works?

Damaged Goods Syndrome is a serious illness and it will take some serious therapy to cure.  You will have to be dedicated to your own healing because no one can do this for you.  You will most certainly have to self-medicate and self-meditate.  Here’s a list of things you can do:

1.  Speak only to your strengths.  Be mindful that your thoughts about you are positive.

2.  Surround yourself with positive people.

3.  Celebrate your successes

4.  Do more of what you love.

5.  Be true to yourself.

6.  Give back and I don’t mean money.  Become involved in community projects.  Seek to help others.

7.  Speak your affirmations aloud.  Be sure to use the words… I AM.  For example, I AM BEAUTIFUL!

8.  Pamper yourself.

9.  Graciously acknowledge compliments.

10.   Invest in yourself.  Read, listen and watch material that is conducive to improving your self esteem.

To your healing,

J-licious

Self-pleasure is accepted and expected among men; however, the opposite is expected of women. In spite of the sexual revolution, female masturbation is still somewhat taboo. Couples generally do not discuss the subject of masturbation which is a shame because if men and women were more open to the possibilities of self-love then there opens up the possibility for couples to really spice up their sex life and for more intense and pleasurable orgasms.  How can you tell/show your partner what works for you, if you don’t know?

Self pleasure is the only way for a person to really learn their body and what pleases them. To really get the most from love-making with your sexual partner you must know your own body first. This is true for both men and women. You must explore your own body and listen to what it tells you. Self pleasure and exploration is the key to better love-making.  Masturbation can be a very empowering learning tool for women – it teaches us about our bodies, and how it responds to sexual stimulation. Many normal and healthy women only experience an orgasm while masturbating, or find it is their most intense type of orgasm. I can not tell you the number of times my close friends or clients have told me that they have never experienced an orgasm with their partner.

While it is certainly unfounded and untrue, the majority of people believe that women are less sexual than men.   Where do you think the term ‘cougar’ comes from?  We are led to believe that women think about sex and desire sex much less. Society creates outcasts of women who are openly sexual. We are seen as promiscuous or as whores.  This results in women believing they should not have strong sexual feelings and desires. Unfortunately, many women are ashamed to admit they become ‘horny’. This results in women introverting and denying their own sexual feelings and desires. While a woman’s desire for sex may change with time, they are overall just as sexual as men. If a woman accepts that she is equally as sexual as a man, she is more likely to feel comfortable with her desire to ‘please herself’.  Once you know what you enjoy sexually, it will be possible to share that information with your partner and ask for what you want and need sexually.

Enjoy,

J-licious

As I sat to pen this post, I was lost for words.  I’ve attempted to express my views on this subject for several weeks.  I tried to come up with the perfect confabulation and just decided to let this artist, Kassondra Rockswell speak.  She speaks ‘The Truth” and there’s no denying that.  Well, you could deny it; however, it’s still ‘The Truth’.

Kassondra will be performing for the AllStar Author Showcase in Dallas, Texas on February 13, 2010.  If you are in the area around this time, come and check her out.  It promises to be an unforgettable experience.

One of the many things that I remember him teaching me was  the importance and the power of ‘your Word’.  He would remind me that if I gave my Word (promised, committed myself) that I should do everything within my power to honor it.  And if I find that I am either unwilling or unable then I should be sure to speak with the person that I promised and let them know of the change in plan.  He also reminded me that there was nothing wrong with changing my mind or even finding that I was not able to honor my commitment.  The ‘wrong’ was in not informing the other person of the change.

As I grew from a little girl to a young woman, I watched him practice this over and over again.  He honored his commitment(s).  He kept his word(s).  Today I endeavor  to live my life by this principle….Be Impeccable With Your Word.  I refuse to be full of BALLOON JUICE.

Know what balloon juice is?  Let me paint a picture.  Imagine being a kid again.  Your parents buy you a bag of balloons.  You go through the bag to find that PERFECT balloon.  You know, the long, bright colored, curvy one.  You stretch it out and prepare to inflate it.  You blow and blow and blow.  Then just as you are ready to tie it up at the end… it burst.  You know the wet stuff that splashes back in your face?  Well that’s balloon juice.  Yep, balloon juice is nothing more than SPIT.

Now let me explain the difference between your word and your Word.  Your word (small case) has to do with the things you say. They make up sentences, phrases that you speak and write. They come out as opinions, comments, and/or thoughts in your head. On the other hand your Word is much more.  Your Word (upper case) has to do with the POWER and INTENT you have to create through every kind of expression you make. You create through multiple types of expression including emotions, attitudes and actions.

To master being impeccable with your word will take many moments of practice.  Being impeccable with your Word is not just about keeping your Word.  Being impeccable with your word has more to do with expressing your self in the direction of truth and love.  It’s about filling the balloon with the right amount of air so that it does not burst causing a spray of that good ole balloon juice.  Words are powerful.  Therefore, it is important to use your words carefully. The way you express your self will impact your life, and others.  You have to be aware of what you say, and how you express your self to others.  People love balloons; however, they aren’t so fond of BALLOON JUICE.

Keeping my Word,

J-licious

Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the Western hemisphere.  Out of 177 countries, they rank at 164.  Approximately 78% of the people live in poverty earning no more than $2 per day and/or $70 per month.  Less than 45 percent of the people have access to clean running water.  Life expectancy is 52 years old.  12 percent of the children die before reaching 1 year of age and 10 percent die before reaching 4 years of age.  Almost one third of the population are either ill or underweight.  Almost half of the people are illiterate.  With statistics like this, how could they have the means to withstand an earthquake of that scale?   Want to see how this compares to people living in the United States and Haiti’s surrounding islands?

Here goes the Gross Domestic Income comparison:

Of course upon seeing this I was floored.  Until the recent earthquake, I was totally UNAWARE of the living conditions in Haiti.  I don’t know about you, but when I think of the Caribbean islands, I think white sand, blue water and palm trees.  I would venture to say that most people do.  In my prayer and meditation, I thought perhaps this was God’s way of uncovering the truth.  God’s way of ‘UNEARTHING’ the pain and struggles of the  people of Haiti. God had to Quake the Earth in order to Wake the people.

So often we (yep, that includes me) get so caught up in our own lives that we forget or even ignore the cries of others.  We begin to complain about how horrible our lives or situations have become.  Sometimes I become frustrated because I am not where I say I want or need to be.  I think back on my 41 years and ask….’Is this it?  Is this all I’m here to do?’  This morning, I did a self check.   And I realize that I have fallen short.  I have been found wanting.  This life granted to me is NOT all about me.  It is about EVERYTHING that is within and without me.  Is is about my brothers, my sisters, and my neighbors.

Now I pose this question to you…Are you Awake Yet?

To help you can do one of two things: Either you can use your cell phone to text “Yele” to 501501, which will automatically donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund founded by Wyclef Jean (it will be charged to your cell phone bill), or you can click here and donate directly on the website.

In love,

J-licious

Manifesto

My Black is Beautiful

From the color of my skin, to the texture of my hair, to the length of my strands, to the breadth of my smile,

To the stride of my gait, to the span of my arms, to the depth of my bosom, to the curve of my hips, to the glow of my skin,
My Black is Beautiful.

It cannot be denied. It will not be contained. And only I will define it.

For when I look in my mirror, my very soul cries out,
My Black is Beautiful.

And so today, I speak it out loud, unabashedly, I declare it anew,
My Black is Beautiful.

Whether celebrated, imitated, exploited or denigrated. Whether natural from inside or skillfully applied,
My Black is Beautiful.

To my daughters, my sisters, my nieces, my cousins, my colleagues and my friends,
I speak for us all when I say again,
My Black is Beautiful.

You Are Beautiful,

J-licious

Step 1) “STOP BEING OFFENDED” Believe it or not, everything is NOT about you.  Stop taking things so personally.  I have been guilty of this for years and I’m still working on releasing this part of myself.  I used to think that every ‘bad’ thing happened because of me.  I thought that my partner cheated because I was not good enough.  I thought potential clients chose another company because I was unable to provide the level of service they needed.  I am now beginning to understand that those were THEIR personal preferences.  Their choices did not have anything to do with me.  Their choices had EVERYTHING to do with them.

Step 2) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO WIN” Now this one can be a bit tricky because winning is a sure way to get an immediate ego boost. But Dyer points out that you can’t win all the time.  If losing devastates you, it’s because you’re getting your IDENTITY mixed up with winning and losing. The only thing that’s been lost is how you think about yourself. In other words, the loss has occurred to the ego, not to who you truly are.

Step 3) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO BE RIGHT” Why is being right so important to you? Because again, it strengthens your ego.  But what happens when you’re right and your son or daughter is wrong? Or your husband or wife is wrong? Are you able to let go of being right then? Or do you have to prove you’re right, even if it means proving that someone you love is wrong at all costs?

“I’ve seen people end otherwise beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right. I urge you to let go of this ego-driven need to be right by stopping yourself in the middle of an argument and asking yourself, Do I want to be right or be happy?” says Dyer.

Step 4) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO BE SUPERIOR” By being in competition with yourself, working to improve your way of being in the world, your focus shifts from lecturing and judging others, to improving yourself.  Just be careful not to judge yourself because this defeats the purpose.  Remember you are a spiritual being having a human experience just like your neighbors.

Dyer points out that “We are all equal in the eyes of God.” So if God sees us as equal, then how can we be superior (or inferior) to another person?

Step 5) “LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO HAVE MORE” Being grateful can be difficult if you are never satisfied with what you have already been blessed with.   The perpetual chase of ‘that paper’ will leave you feeling shallow, unrewarding, and meaningless.  Also, be willing to let go of what is no longer necessary.  Having more clothes, for example, doesn’t make us better people. It doesn’t even make our lives easier. Having a lot of clothes that are too small, too big, outdated, or stained simply gets in the way. But the ego feels deflated when it looks in the closet and sees empty spaces.  Remember you are NOT your possessions.

“The mantra of the ego is more. It’s never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, your ego will insist that it isn’t enough,” says Dyer.

Step 6) “LET GO OF IDENTIFYING YOURSELF ON THE BASIS OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS” In the eastern part of our world, people are taught to give praise and honor to God for allowing all good things.  They do not take it upon themselves to gloat about their achievements.  In my opinion, they have a better understanding about how life works.  Dyer urges us to let go of identifying with our achievements because alone, we don’t achieve anything. “God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements,” he stresses.

Step 7) “LET GO OF YOUR REPUTATION” I would like to think that most people consider me kind, gentle, understanding and willing to offer my assistance where needed.  I would like to think that most people like me.  But the truth is, there is someone out there that is not so fond of me.  For years this plagued me.  I desperately wanted to be liked.  Actually, I desperately wanted to be loved and accepted.  So I would do things that were not in alignment with who I am.  No longer does this desire control me.  I have learned that you can’t please everyone.  Someone is going to be unhappy with me and you know what?  I’m perfectly fine with people’s dislike of who they think I am.

According to Dyer, what people think about you is beyond your control, so your shouldn’t waste time obsessing about it. “Your reputation is not located in you,” he says. “It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations.”

I implore you to consider each step and begin to step out of your ego and into your greatness.

In love,

J-licious

In today’s society, if someone is considered sexy, it could very well ‘buy’ them out of that traffic ticket.  It could get you into the night club without waiting in line.   It could ‘buy’ them a position within a company.  It could ‘buy’ then an A+ in school.  It could even ‘buy’ you into a marriage of convenience.  It appears that everyone loves ’sexy’.  The question is..what IS sexy?  What defines your sexiness?  So I put this question out to my male friends and you will be surprised at the responses.  Here goes the top 5:

1.  People can be sexy even though they might not be the best looking person in the world,it’s just their vibes and personality and how they carry themselves

2.  I find power,  self-confidence, compassion and intelligence sexy.

3.  It is a visual image that heightens sexual arousal.

4.  Sexy is confidence in who you are as a person. It has nothing to do with your dress. It’s the way you move, the way you laugh and smile. It lures you into the person. You remember “You gotta move like the waves in the ocean”. It’s your flow.

5.  SEXY-It first starts with the personality.  I feel that if a woman has her priorities in line, got a lot good going for her,  don’t need to depend on a man and is independent.

Now to MY definition….Sexy is his glance at me from across the room.  You know that look that says ‘I wanna tear you down right now, this very minute.  The look that makes the two of you ‘run to the car right quick’.  Sexy is the way he supports the small of my back as he opens the door or as I climb the stairs.  Sexy is the way he strolls in from a day of work.  Sexy is the way he reaches inside his pocket and says…’go head, you can buy that’.  Sexy is his penmanship on the check that pays ALL the bills.  Sexy is the way he says, “NO” and means it.  Sexy is how he shares with me his dreams AND his fears.  Sexy is how he allows me to participate in reaching our goals.  Sexy is how he fulfills his role as the man without tearing me down as a woman.  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.  So you see, sexy is not about the actual sexual act.  It’s about all those things that may lead up to…..

So, what’s your definition of sexy?

In love,

J-licious