Just Shut Up

Wanna know why your man is not talking to you?  It’s because you won’t SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN!!!  If you would just be quite, be still and listen, he’ll talk.  Believe it or not, he wants to talk.  He wants you to know that he’s stressed, confused, uncertain.  He wants you to know that he hurts just like you hurt.  And most importantly, he wants you to know  that he loves you just as much as you love him.  He wants to be HEARD.

It’s a well known fact that most men, don’t talk, right?  Wrong!!!  They do talk, just not with words.  Men are ‘action’ figures.  They SHOW you. Have you ever taken the time to really listen to him?  I mean listen with your entire being and not just your ears.  Here are a few suggestions on creating an atmosphere that is conducive to great communication between you and your man.

1.  Be free of judgment.  Allow him to share intimate parts of himself without passing judgment. Instead of saying, ‘I can’t believe you said, or did, or thought…’, try saying, ‘thank you for sharing that with me’.  And of course, it’s not enough to say the words….MEAN them.  It takes a lot for a man to open up and share his weaknesses or faults with his woman.  He wants her to see him as her protector, her provider.  So count yourself lucky if he decides to share with you and keep the judgments to yourself.

2.  Embrace him.  Rejection can be difficult for either gender.  However, for a man it can be the one things that causes him to shut down.  When he openly shares himself with you, take care to embrace him.  Let him know that he is still loved and appreciated.

3.  Appreciate his honesty.  Everything he says or does is not a personal attack against you.  As much as we would like to think it’s all about us, it’s NOT!!!!  As individuals we all have certain issues that we are working through.  We are ever evolving.  So when he’s honest about what he’s thinking or feeling, thank him.

4.  Let go of past issues.  Stop throwing what he did 2 years ago, 2 months ago, 2 days ago, 2 hours ago, 2 minutes ago, 2 seconds ago in his face.  What’s done, is done and it can’t be undone.  If you decided to remain in the relationship, then be willing to let go of past hurt.  It is very unlikely that he will open up to you if he feels that he has to hear  ALL over again what happened in the past.

5.  Let him talk.  Listen to EVERYTHING he wants to say without interrupting and be willing to give him what he wants.  The key word here is ‘willing’.  This does not mean that you are to do whatever he tells you to do (that is unless you want to).  This means that you are WILLING to listen and that you will CONSIDER his desires.  Understanding is manifested in both words AND deeds.

6.  Be true to yourself.  Allowing a man to speak freely does not mean that you have to agree with what he is saying.  At any time  you realize it is in your best interest to let go, then by all means…LET GO.  Unless both of you are allowed to explore who you are, you will find yourself giving over to compulsions and misfortunes.  No one is happy pretending.  At some time or another, the mask must come off.  So it is in your best interest to remain true to yourself and allow him the same privilege.

In love,

J-licious

© Copyright 2010/01/05  Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved