A few years ago, I was in a relationship that lasted for about 10 years. I’ve said many times that this relationship took me on a journey from little girl to grown woman. Mind you, I was an adult during this time; however, I had not yet experienced the fullness of love. I thought love was all about the stars and the moon. I thought love was about singing and dancing in the rain. I thought love was about hugs and kisses. I had no idea that love, real love was about growth. And during that time of growth, you just might experience some growing pains. I know I did.
Now, I’m not saying that love hurts because it doesn’t. Love heals. Love binds. Love strengthens. Love encourages. And that is what growth is all about as well. Most people want to run and hide within a relationship. If they feel they are ‘lacking’ something, they want to ‘find it’ in another. If they feel they are ‘weak’ in some area, they think partnering themselves with another will make them ‘strong’. Whatever it is they think they ‘need’, they want another to provide it. THIS is where hurt comes in. Because at any time, the other does not provide that, we feel betrayed. And that’s why relationships are good hiding places because we can always blame the other person. We never have to look at Self.
And that is EXACTLY what I did during this relationship. I looked to my partner to fill the empty. I wanted to be reassured that I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough. I just wanted to be enough. And I wanted HIM to make me enough. And each time he would leave me and find comfort in another, I felt betrayed. I felt that HE was suppose the make ME better. HE was suppose to make all MY childhood issues go away. HE was responsible for ME. Needless to say, that didn’t work out very well. Once I realized that I was responsible for ME, things begin to change. I began to change. And with that change, my desire to remain in that relationship changed. I no longer wanted that experience. I wanted MORE. I wanted to be ME.
Although we have moved on, I can say without a doubt, we still love each other. There is no resentment. There are no ill wishes. I see him from time to time and we greet each other with an embrace. We smile. We laugh. We talk. We share. I get the opportunity to REALLY see him, without judgment, without fear and without my desire to control. Through it all…..ONLY LOVE IS REAL.