Relationships – In Relation to Another
I’ll be the first to admit, that intimate relationships have been somewhat of a struggle for me. I’ll also admit that each and every one of those relationships have helped me to grow in all areas of my life. Recently I posted two questions on my Facebook page. I asked my male friends what they thought of ‘yesterday’s', ‘today’s’ and ‘tomorrow’s’ woman. I then asked my female friends the opposite question about men. It was interesting to find that not too many of my friends had much to say. It seems that this thing called relationship has gotten most of us bewildered and frustrated. Yet it is relation to another that we learn our greatest lessons.
I used to think that being in a healthy stable relationship was the ultimate ‘grown-up’ goal. Yet I’ve come to learn that a relationship is not the goal, it is the means to learn about who I truly am. In general, the more emotionally intimate a relationship, the closer we become with ourselves. We learn what works and what doesn’t work for our higher selves. Most importantly we learn unconditional love of self and of others.
When I write of unconditional love, I write of knowing that it’s never about your partner or your partner’s behavior. It’s all about you. It’s not about trying to change your partner, it’s about changing how you see your partner. This is not to say that there won’t be traits about your partner that you dislike. It’s not to say that you should remain silent and ‘just accept it’. It’s to say that you see through those negative traits and only see the divine. It’s about seeing that person for who he/she is rather than what you would like them to be. And once you see them, you may decide you want to remain in that relationship or you may decide to leave. However, you will leave knowing that it was not something that he/she DID to you. It was because you decided it was BEST for you.
Loving and fulfilling relationships require EQUAL vulnerability and risk taking. When I write equal, I mean just that. When one person in the relationship lacks a sense of self purpose, they will find themselves living their lives through their partner. And this can be detrimental not only to the relationship, but to the person as well. When we lack a sense of independence from our partner and do not have a sense of our spiritual self, we place tremendous expectations on our partner. We expect them to be our ALL. And this is a disaster waiting to happen. Because no person outside of you can ever be your ALL. Being in a healthy, stable, supportive, and loving relationship is not your ALL, it just adds to ALL there is.
In love,
J-licious
© Copyright 2009/12/03 Jacque Keil All Rights Reserved
A man goes off to the mountains on a Spiritual Retreat and is gone for many days. Upon his return he tells his wife that he in in such a different place because of his spiritual awakening. His wife goes about her daily chores not saying a word. After a period of silence the man asks his wife “did you hear what I said?” And the wife still remains silent. So the man asks the question a second time but this time in a much louder voice “DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?” So who really had the awakening.
The point is that the only way we know who we are is in relation to someone else as you so eloquently brought out in your post Jacque. Another person doesn’t make us they just merely reveal to us where we are in our evolution.
There have been so many times that I thought I had arrived only to see that I hadn’t quite left the place I was trying to leave.
Thanks for the post and your insight.
R